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Everything We Had
Thursday, 6 August 2009, 11:39 pm

A hell lot have been on my mind lately, and it's about time I find the time and patience to just sit down and blog it all out, type my whole life away. Honestly, I have a whole bunch of stuff to update about, but every single time I start typing, I loose my inspirations and off I go doing some other thing. But now I'm back, and this would probably be the longest post I've written in a while. I don't like the fact that I haven't posted in a pretty long time, and now that I'm finally trying to, it's not just a regular update anymore.
It's amazing how as a person, I feel entirely different than the person I was back then. I'm proud of the fact that I grew up writing pointless stories, fantasies I wished I could call real. I have made alot of friends and I have lost alot of friends the past couple of years. I think, too, that the past couple of years were the first times in a while I felt the burn of other people's ignorance. A lack of attention and a hell lot of loneliness. This pretty much made me grow up and realize what's real, who's worth all the pain and who's not. I'm proud of the things I wrote because they were the healer, they pretty much made me realize how lucky, yet ungrateful, I've been. I hadn't realize it up 'till now that the facade I thought I lived beneath for a long time, never really existed. It's scary when you start to really know yourself, and learn who you really are, instead of who people think you are. That has been pretty much the past two years of my life, holding onto what I believe and love most. It's harder than it sounds, being able to only rely on yourself, depending on your luck to make things right for you. Until the one day you wonder if it was even worth it giving it all in order to hold onto what matters to YOU. Is it worth it? I am still learning. Sometimes having your heart in tact is the loneliest thing in the world! You can receive blessings, you can have your dreams, but they all comes at cost.
I believe I used to have the coolest, most amazinggg bunch of childhood friends back then, but I was too busy hoping for more to realize that until recently. We used to play all kinds of silly games in class to see who knew more songs or musicians. Oh, and the one time we got into massive trouble for cheating in some stupid dictation. Back when we were in Std. 4, they all backed me up when I got framed for doing something I certainly did not, although the person they were going against was one of their closest friends. But then again, nothing lasts forever. I don't even know them anymore, and Michelle agrees so, too. Maybe being well-known in school meant more than anything in the world to them, I don't know. And I have no intensions to find out either. They gave up something that some people would die for, in order to fit in with the "cool crowd" in school. It was their decision to make, not mine. So who am I to judge? They made me realize that sometimes, you can't persuade yourself into believing that everything's gonna be okay, when you know perfectly well that it isn't. But was it worth it? You be the judge. Some things are perfect from start to finish, some things just aren't. Everything in life comes at a cost. Not one thing in life, with any value, is free. So, what do you value? What costs the most? And was it worth what you paid?
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